Holiday Stress ....... or, HO HO when can I go HOme?

Mantra: Done is Better than Perfect.
MBTI type: INTJ
Cognitive process order: NiTeFiSe

There are four things that bother me during the holidays:

1. Crowded Places
2. Socializing with People I don't know / The Expectation of Small Talk.
3. Not having an escape option.
4. What to get other people for Christmas

1. I am almost always scanning for information. When I am talking to one person one-on-one it is easy for me to carry on a conversation. When there are enough people to have two conversations at once then I start to loose focus as I am trying to hear both conversations. It is kind of like getting two radio stations at the same time on a radio. So when I attend Christmas gatherings I go nuts trying to listen to, and separate, multiple conversations. I end up not really listening to anything. I retreat to a newly defined "safe area" and try to tune everyone out. This of course makes everyone look at me weird and ask me why I am not being social.

2. So then I go once more into the breach. It never fails that everyone that I actually talk to only wants a surface level conversation. "It sure is cold outside." No shit, it is December. I despise this type of thing. Something designed to give the appearance of conversation without real meat. I am a conversational deep diver. I want to get into the details of a subject. Usually the more abstract the better. However, most people that I talk to do not have that same agenda. Sometimes I can get someone to that point by asking about their work, but more often than not I just get the conversational cold shoulder.

3. I get tired of getting blown off when I am putting some much effort into talking to people. It just takes all of my motivation for being at the function and balls it up and throws it out the window. So I start looking for an escape route. But it isn't that easy. I am not the most sensitive to other people's feelings, but when someone goes through the effort of cooking for a bunch of people I feel obligated to at least stay long enough to eat. So I am stuck. This only adds to my stress.

To deal with all of this I usually add myself to the "staff." I will volunteer to do menial tasks in order to remove the social obligations. It is a cheap trick. It only barely works.

4. I think everyone goes through this a little bit. My case goes to the extreme. Have you ever seen "The Big Bang Theory" episode where Penny gets Sheldon a Christmas present?

I'm not quite that bad, but the first part where he talks about the obligation of matching a value of the gift is what I go through, along with trying to figure out what type of gift to give someone. I like useful, practical gifts. But I have found out that not everyone does. With Te as my secondary function ( with Te being the function of "how can I make this?"), I wonder if the secondary function is the secrete to gift giving? I will have to watch my daughter open her gifts and see what items she likes more.